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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Almost a Baby, But Not Quite

This is a story about a situation I experienced first hand a little while ago and it has just never settled well...

There is this girl and she is pregnant, quite a few weeks pregnant, to the point where she was happily announcing it to people.  Everyone was excited for her.  Her and her boyfriend were try to get pregnant and really wanted to start a family together.  When she announced that she was expecting I hugged her and was beyond happy for her.  While she isn't married and her relationship was fairly new, who am I to judge?  They were happy and that was all that mattered.

Then a few weeks passed.  The pregnancy continued to thrive and grow.  She beamed with excitement, but that abruptly changed one day.

Suddenly, she pulled me aside with a very straight face saying that she had something important to tell me, because I was going to find out one way or another.  With subdued emotions she told me that she was going to have an abortion in just a few days.  She couldn't handle being pregnant with her boyfriend's child.  Furthermore, her and her boyfriend were splitting up.  He drank too much, apparently, and she didn't want to bring his child into the world if he couldn't put down the bottle.  

I sympathetically listened to her and hugged her, but I couldn't properly digest what she was telling me.  It just wasn't sitting right with me.  

She was near the end of her first trimester, if not just barely in the second.  I couldn't remember how far along she was exactly, but I knew it was quite a few weeks.  One thing kept coming to mind  when I thought of how far along she was...  all I kept thinking of was my first ultrasound of Emily at 12 weeks.  

I kept thinking of the little baby that I saw on the screen that moved, sucked its thumb, and had a perfectly formed little heart beating away.  Then I thought of her baby that was just about the same age prenatally.  She had a perfectly formed human being inside her with ten fingers, ten toes, and one little heart that she was going to terminate.

Now, I am one of the least judgmental people.  I support a person's right to choose, but this situation struck a nerve.  They were trying to conceive.  They both wanted this pregnancy.  Then, suddenly, things changed.  She realized she didn't want to be with him or his bad habits, but only after they had created a baby together.  For the life of me I can't comprehend why she realized all this after they purposefully became pregnant rather than before.  

Excuse my opinions... but I guess its because I'm a mom and because I have seen a 12 week old baby flitting around on the ultrasound screen.  Or maybe its because I've held 14 week old twin babies that were born prematurely.  This just resonates badly with me.  I feel for this girl, but I feel even more for the baby who was, but never will be. 


Suzanne Mc said...

Pregnancy, the creation of another human being, has come to the point of being handled so lightly and without serious preconsideration of all that holds. That is truly sad. Yet we make our kids finish the season on a team, saying, "You are going to finish what you started." Then it comes down to the bigger, more powerful person's right to choose trumps the smaller, less powerful person's rights. Sad, truly sad.

Kimberly said...

This is so sad. There are so many people out there who would love to have a baby, but can't. And then there are people who dispose of them like they are trash. While I feel for her situation, she does have other options. Or at least she did.

Steph said...

This just makes me so sad :(

Nolie said...

:( I can not understand. I am right there with you.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't adoption an option? So many couples out there who would make great parents but can't conceive themselves.

Mrs. H said...

So sad, it breaks my heart!
Before getting pregnant, I considered myself "Pro-Choice" but only in cases of rape, but after being pregnant and seeing my baby, I have totally changed my opinion!!!
Abortion angers me! To me it's murder!
There are so many couples who would do anything to have a child and then there are those who kills their's?!?!?!

Anonymous said...

I agree, who are you to judge.

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