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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'll admit it... I'm scared

For those of you who have been reading my blog lately you have seen that Emily hasn't been functioning at 100%.  From one symptom to another we've been visiting the doctor more frequently than anyone would ever care to.  We've even spent one lovely morning in the ER.  Despite all that, various tests, and antibiotics we are going to be headed back to the hospital tomorrow, to see a specialist.  A pediatric urologist.  And I will admit it.  I'm scared. 

As Emily smiles at me and coos along as if having a conversation I can't imagine her not being healthy, but she isn't.  As perfect as she is on the outside her urine culture that was collected and grown after our ER visit developed a microorganism, Strep B.  In an infant that proposes a serious problem and means that we are headed to the specialist with little miss Emily for an evaluation.  An ultrasound is to be done and possibly a dye test to visualize how her kidneys and bladder function together.

There are two issues that could arise during this evaluation.  Emily could be diagnosed with urinary reflux, in which her urine flows backwards into the kidney causing kidney damage and infection.  She could also be diagnosed with a late onset Group B strep infection.  The former may result in corrective surgery and the later could result in a multitude of antibiotics and other side effects.  

Since the day I found out I was pregnant everything went smoothly.  Her ultrasounds in utero were unremarkable.  When she was born she passed every test with flying colors.  Despite a few hiccups proceeding a GERD diagnosis and a week long runny nose she's been nothing short of perfect.  A growing, learning, and smiling baby on the outside may be just a cover-up for the problems that are inside.

I really am scared.  

My baby isn't perfect.  

There could be something wrong with her.  


It makes me tear up thinking about it.  Just look at that adorable face!  Tomorrow we may find out that there's nothing wrong, that everything inside her is indeed perfect and her colonization with Strep B bacteria and her urinary tract infection was a fluke.  Or we may get results that I can't even fathom or anticipate at this juncture.  Thinking of it worries me too much.  I also can't search things on the internet, because I inevitably find horror stories that just feed my anxiety. 

So, my mind is full of fear and anticipation.  I just wanted to share my worries and thoughts as I try not to dwell on what the tests may or may not find.  Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day. 

23 comments:

The Sweetest Days said...

Jen, I know your worry is overwhelming, and totally understandable. Being a mom is so difficult. This little person comes into your life and all you want is good things for them. Hopefully if there is anything wrong the doctor can fix it. I'll be thinking of you all.

Hugs,
Sharon

AmyBean said...

*hugs* It's SO scary when something is wrong with your baby. Have faith in her doctor that he will get everything taken care of. Even if she does need surgery, it will be taken care of then and she won't have any more problems after the recovery. It's going to be ok mama. Prayers for you. I'm here if you need to talk.

Sunday said...

Hi Jen. We follow each other on Twitter and I just wanted to give you some encouragement. My best friend Becky had a daughter in 2010 with the exact same issues as your little Emily. She went through the culture testing, had the ultrasound and dye test and in the end they realized that one of her tubes that feeds into the bladder was a bit malformed. For now it is not severe enough to require surgery (and she is too young for it) so she takes a very low dose antibiotic everyday to keep bacteria from growing. A year from now she will have another round of ultrasounds and a dye test to see if the problem has corrected itself and if not then she may have to have surgery to correct it...but the important thing is she is doing GREAT! The antibiotic keeps the bacteria away and she is growing and functioning completely normally.

I pray your little Emily will fare even better and not need the antibiotics at all.

Stace said...

I don't know about strep b...but I do know about reflux..my best friends daughter was born with it. Most children outgrow it, as her daughter did. She had to take antibiotics every day and be reevaluated once or twice a year with the dye test. They're finding that MANY children have been born with it...not treated...and grown out of it and gone on to have no lasting effects. There is a percentage that ended up with kidney issues, but that percentage was actually much lower than what you would expect.
It's scary...but this too shall pass. Hang in there.

Connie said...

Will be praying for Miss Emily that everything is OK and you get good news!

Hugs
Connie

Glyndalyn said...

I, too, am praying for Emily and the family.

Solomon's Porch said...

I will be praying for Emily and for you and Shawn also....Trust in the Lord!

Mrs. HH said...

Of course you are scared, who wouldn't be? Just wanted to say we are thinking of you and will be praying for your family and for little Emily.

Fire Wife Katie said...

Praying all goes well and it's a simple fix! Can you imagine how stressful it must have been, to be a mom, before modern medicine??? No thanks!!

The Girl Behind The Camera said...

Hi Jen,

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Shawn and Emily. I can't imagine your stress at this time. There are so many dedicated and wonderful doctors, you'll be in terrific hands for sure. And modern medicine will prevail, no doubt. Plus, all your good instincts and love truly do make a difference.

Lisa Waters said...

Just wanted to say I will be thinking of you and your sweet little Emily. Best thoughts coming your way.

AJ said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family, especially your little butterbean Emily. As my mom always likes to remind me, trust your motherly instincts and don't go overboard on Internet research/diagnosis. You both sound like smart, loving parents who will make good decisions regarding Emily's care in the time ahead.

Stella said...

Thinking of all of you. This too shall pass.

Anonymous said...

As hard as it may be to do, don't look into what "might" be. Just take it all one step at a time. Anxiety is a horrible master. Will be thinking of you all.
Lee Ann

msam said...

Love you Springtime. I'll be thinking about little Emily tomorrow and hoping that everything turns out alright. You know if you need anything, I owe you one. :-)

Smile Steady said...

Oh Jen, I know this has to be so hard for you. I'm sorry you're having to go through this, but I truly believe it will all turn out okay in the end. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight- please let us all know how it goes!

Anonymous said...

Keep us posted. I'm sorry you're going through this, but she's so lucky to have you and all your knowledge on her side.

~hydrantgirl

Golden To Silver Val said...

Saying prayers for Emily, you and hubby. Just keep your faith.....everything will be all right. I know how scared you are but remember....Everything WILL be all right. Big hugs.

Sandy said...

Praying for all of you!

kittyhere said...

Emily is lucky to have a smart mom & dad. Whatever they find that may need treatment she is still perfect to those of us following her through your blog & photos. I hope she is well soon.

americanhoneyphotography.com said...

So sorry to hear poor little Emily is going through all this!!! She really is perfect!! Praying you receive good news and that Emily will be feeling better soon!! ~Amanda

Anonymous said...

I am praying for little Miss Emily today. I also said a prayer for her mama and daddy who are doing such a great job caring for her.

Hugs to your family,
Katherine S.

Mel said...

It is so hard to see your little one struggling, whatever it may be. Knowing they are sick and it can't be fixed with some Tylenol and cuddling is the worst. I hope all goes well. And no matter what they find, she will still be perfect because she is your little girl!

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