For those of you who have been reading my blog lately you have seen that Emily hasn't been functioning at 100%. From one symptom to another we've been visiting the doctor more frequently than anyone would ever care to. We've even spent one lovely morning in the ER. Despite all that, various tests, and antibiotics we are going to be headed back to the hospital tomorrow, to see a specialist. A pediatric urologist. And I will admit it. I'm scared.
As Emily smiles at me and coos along as if having a conversation I can't imagine her not being healthy, but she isn't. As perfect as she is on the outside her urine culture that was collected and grown after our ER visit developed a microorganism, Strep B. In an infant that proposes a serious problem and means that we are headed to the specialist with little miss Emily for an evaluation. An ultrasound is to be done and possibly a dye test to visualize how her kidneys and bladder function together.
There are two issues that could arise during this evaluation. Emily could be diagnosed with urinary reflux, in which her urine flows backwards into the kidney causing kidney damage and infection. She could also be diagnosed with a late onset Group B strep infection. The former may result in corrective surgery and the later could result in a multitude of antibiotics and other side effects.
Since the day I found out I was pregnant everything went smoothly. Her ultrasounds in utero were unremarkable. When she was born she passed every test with flying colors. Despite a few hiccups proceeding a GERD diagnosis and a week long runny nose she's been nothing short of perfect. A growing, learning, and smiling baby on the outside may be just a cover-up for the problems that are inside.
I really am scared.
My baby isn't perfect.
There could be something wrong with her.
It makes me tear up thinking about it. Just look at that adorable face! Tomorrow we may find out that there's nothing wrong, that everything inside her is indeed perfect and her colonization with Strep B bacteria and her urinary tract infection was a fluke. Or we may get results that I can't even fathom or anticipate at this juncture. Thinking of it worries me too much. I also can't search things on the internet, because I inevitably find horror stories that just feed my anxiety.
So, my mind is full of fear and anticipation. I just wanted to share my worries and thoughts as I try not to dwell on what the tests may or may not find. Tomorrow is going to be a stressful day.