Everyone paints a baby's first Christmas as an amazing, wonderful time, but I lament that such an illusion isn't entirely true when you're a first time mom with a tiny infant. Perhaps with older children, born earlier in the year, but Christmas with a three and a half month old, actually a sick three and a half month old, is downright difficult. So here is how I feel about our first Christmas as a family of three...
First and foremost Emily is sick. This time she is congested to the gills. For the past five days she's sounded like an old man breathing underwater. While her snot bubbles are kinda adorable they just illustrate how congested she is. Even with her newly prescribed inhaler nothing seems to help except a lot of snuggling and pacing the house. Fussiness has been the rule lately.
Then there the general chaos of my life. Five days a week I am not home and when I do come home after work most of my time is spent putting Emily to bed. She's been fighting sleep, sometimes until as late as 9pm. I have very little time left for any Christmas related activities like I'd like. Baking, Christmas movies, and shopping have been almost unobtainable.
Also, this year Shawn is working both Christmas Eve Day and Christmas Day. I also am doing a four hour stint Christmas night at the nursing home since no one else would work Christmas. The three of us won't be together for more than an hour or so the entire day so we are celebrating our Christmas on the 26th. I don't mind waiting a day, but its still not quite the same when the rest of the world isn't celebrating with you.
When it comes to traditions and little Christmas moments there isn't a lot of that this year either. The fact that Emily is too small, sick, and fussy combined with Shawn and my own work schedule has put a damper on creating our own fun, little traditions. I am sad we haven't been able to do more and that Emily doesn't understand things yet. I'd love to take tons of photos, dress Emily up in cute outfits, and have her watch me bake awesome tasting cookies if I could.
And am I the only one who thinks its silly to wrap presents for my three month old only to turn around and unwrap them myself? She doesn't have the motor skills or attention span to be remotely interested in the idea of presents. I did get her a few gifts, but they aren't yet wrapped. Part of me feels guilty for not wanting to wrap the gifts, but I can't be the only one who feels this way, can I?
So, part of me is exhausted and Ba-humbug about Christmas this year while the other part is trying to squeeze in a little Christmas cheer here and there. First Christmases aren't just smiles and twinkling lights, at least in our household. I'm holding out that next year, when she'll be fifteen months old, we will have a much better and more enjoyable Christmastime! ...no sickness...more time..and lots of fun with Emily unwrapping gifts!
Until then, I will make the best of the little moments I have this year, however small they are.
Merry Christmas to all of you! And thank you for taking the time to read.