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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Stream of Thought

Somehow life seems to have dug itself into a rut really quick. For just the past couple of weeks I have been back at work and then coming home to little miss Emily and tending to her. Over and over everyday the same routine repeats itself. I am definitely not used to this 9 to 5 lifestyle and it's taking it's toll.

I have so few hours with Emily everyday where she is awake. Not only does that sadden me it makes me want to do nothing else except hold her and be with her. To a fault I choose to do nothing else except spend time with her and leave so much undone. Then as soon as she is asleep and quiet in her crib I begin the whirlwind task of prepping bottles for the night and everything for the next morning. It's a heck of a lot of work.

That's what I feel. I come home from work to do more work and then sleep and go back to work.

Such a routine, which is inescapable, hasn't afforded me much time for anything. Like this blog or to do anything fun that I could blog about. For once in my life I feel dull and have little ability or desire to do anything about it. Its led me to seriously question whether to continue this blog at times. My logic is that if I am too busy to do anything besides work and sleep and care for the baby then what good does having the stress of a blog do? On the other hand I've blogged for years and have "met" some incredible people through blogging and found solace in difficult situations or changes. That's irreplaceable.

I guess this rut I am in has caused an issue with time and energy. What little I do have of either is definitely not dedicated to blogging as frequently as I have been. I going to have to evaluate and overhaul my blog. It should be something I enjoy rather than feel obligated to do as if it's work.

I sure as hell don't need more work in my life.
No thank you.

If having a baby has taught me anything it's that I have to adjust my expectations. Suddenly there isn't enough energy left at the end of the day or enough time to do everything I'd like. What a hard reality to learn....that I have limits.

So what is the punch line of this post? I'm not even sure there is one. Am I getting rid of the blog? Nah. Not right now anyway... but I might have to make some changes with it and right now I don't even know what that means. I don't even have the energy to decide right now.

16 comments:

Becca Piph said...

Being a mother is definitely a full-time job and when you already have one outside of the home, it isn't easy. I'm a mom of 4. With the first 2, I worked full time. When the third came along, I had to stay home and now that the 4th is 4 years old, I am just starting to get back into the work-force. We do have to juggle as mothers with jobs outside of the home, and some of our hobbies are put on the back burner... for a time. Whatever you decide Jen, will be what's best for you and your family. Hopefully just taking a hiatus will be enough because I, for one, do love reading your blog. And I have found that writing, even if not everyday, helps relieve some of that stress that moms, new and experienced (if that's an ok way to say it), feel as they are doing the most important job ever.

MarieElizabeth said...

I hear ya! I spend so much time on my computer for work (it's crazy busy season) that when I come home I have to convince myself to do something useful. Enjoy the baby, that is something that flies by. We'll be here when ever you get back.

SharleneT said...

Whatever your decision, I'll continue to follow you. It's a hard thing to discover but the joys offset the realization. I'm still trying to figure out how so many young mothers are able to keep up with their blogging. Kudos.

Anonymous said...

Decide what's best for you and your family - we will all understand (and wait for you)~hydrantgirl

Tracy Anne said...

I have a full-time job, manage a part-time business on the side, and my son is one. Being a working mom is the hardest set of responsibilities I have ever attempted to tackle in my life. I continually feel like in order to succeed at one thing I must fail at something else. I've accepted that. It's hard, but anything worth doing is rarely easy. Establish your priorities and always ask yourself what's worth your time in that moment. Hang in there. I'm told it gets easier.

Anonymous said...

Jen,
I've followed your blog for at least a year now and have enjoyed it. I work in municipal government in Sun Valley, Idaho and work with firefighters and EMT's daily.

My husband and I adopted biological sisters 15 years ago; a newborn and a two year old. We became instant parents overnight and I was in the weeds for a good portion of the first six months. I had always been active in my community and thought I could maintain all my outside activities. WRONG. It almost came as a relief to me when I was able to say "no" without feeling guilty because I just had to put my kiddo's first.

Trust your instinct if you feel you are spread too thin and save your energy and creativity for time with your family. Those of us out here in blog-land will understand. Good luck!

Glyndalyn said...

I enjoy the blog and would hate to see it end. But there is only so much time. Could you cut back to 3 days/week?

Anonymous said...

I really enjoy your blog...I am jealous that you live in beautiful New England. Maybe cut back to weekly blogging until Emily is bigger. We don't want to lose you now that we are so well acquainted.

MN Mom said...

Your struggle is pretty much "goes with the territory" for new moms, especially when you are gainfully employed also. Give yourself a break, do what feels right for you and your family, and your readers will be delighted to hear from you whenever you feel like writing. This time with Emily goes so quickly - enjoy it as much as you can.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,
Don't stress out! Don't feel obligated to the blog to where it becomes a burden. Enjoy your Baby and savor EVERY minute with Her-time goes by so quickly and she will grow up fast-Ever have a Grandma that would exclaim over the years to all her grandchildren about how fast the kids grow and how time flies?
My son just turned 17 and its breaking my heart that his days needing me are numbered.
Also, make time for yourself, keep yourself calm and happy and everything will be fine.
XO

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed your blog for some time. Even drove through Island Pond last fall to see your part of Vermont. I live in NY near the Vermont border and love Vermont, NH and Maine. Please if possible, just post pictures of Emily as she is growing until you feel less pressure. This is the time to spend every spare minute with her! What a beautiful little one.

Anonymous said...

Jen, as you can see by the previous comments you are not alone, if that helps. Sometimes, especially when you child is an infant, you feel very alone and overwhelmed. The way I look at it, if women have tackled this for thousands of years so can I! However, I bet if you could ask a sampling of women across those thousands of years they would tell you it is difficult but well worth it. I'm glad you are genuine and real! Some blog writers depict themselves as super women and never reveal their normal daily struggles. Those kind of blogs make me feel like a failure because so often I feel overwhelmed with just 2 kids, a husband, and a full-time job. Thanks for being real! Hobbies may take a back burner for now, but Emily is so worth it. My kids are 13 and 11 and I still have my hands full. I think it does get better as they become more independent. They can bath, dress, and feed themselves. Then you just have to be the coach and coordinator. You can do it, but if the blog is too much I (we!) understand! Suzanne in Louisiana

swizzlestickmama said...

I know I don't blog as frequently as I used to. I wish I had more time, energy, etc... But when I do get to it, I love it. Even if no one is reading my ramblings. It is usually about my kiddos, and sometimes, unless you know them, it can get pretty mundane!

You'll find your stride soon with Emily.

Smile Steady said...

Don't let the blog stress you out. If you don't feel like blogging- don't. And don't feel guilty about it!

I also agree with the others, and if you just want to post a pic of Emily, then do it! She IS your life right now... words aren't necessary. Hang in there, girl, and only do what you feel like doing!

Misty Dawn said...

I'm late to comment, but I'm going to comment anyway, because I've been here... am still here (minus the baby)... and feel the same way. I've almost given up my blog. In fact, I DID give up one of my blogs, but I'm happy with that choice. However, I realized that giving up my main blog would be the wrong choice and I'd regret it. You said "the stress of a blog"... that's what I was thinking too, and that's where we are both wrong - they are OUR blogs... OUR creations... OURs to do with as we see fit, when we see fit. So what if we can't post more than twice a week? Heck, so what if we can't post more than twice a month! We created OUR blogs because we had the desire and because the blog filled a spot in our lives. Do not give it up (yes, I'm being bossy)... even if you step away for a bit or make a post explaining that you will only post every once in a great while for the time being... do NOT give it up. Just leave it dormant for awhile or only post when the mood strikes. That's OK. Really!
Oh, and I'd like to hug Suzanne in Louisiana for her comment of "I'm glad you are genuine and real! Some blog writers depict themselves as super women and never reveal their normal daily struggles. Those kind of blogs make me feel like a failure..." She said what I feel, and I don't even have children!

Country Girl said...

No, you're absolutely not alone. You sound like me (only 25 years ago) when I went back to work full time after having my first baby. It's an incredible amount of work. And I didn't have a blog to tend back then either. If it does one thing, it teaches you to be better organized. I think you're doing a wonderful job.

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